At times I'm really disappointed with the state of our nation and the morals and values of some of the people around me. In the past few days I have had two experiences that really riled me up. The first was while I was working at Baxters. One of the guys that has "some" pull, a regular, was staying late after we closed which is not uncommon but he wanted to keep a couple of his boys around. It isn't normal for us to have anyone other than employees and a select few after close; Baxter, his friends, etc.
We let them stay for a bit but then we were given the order to get them out, their welcome was worn out. We approach, myself included, and tell them they gotta leave. The regular tells us that its cool and that they can stay and we tell him the opposite. Well this pisses him off and he decides to tell us (me) that I wouldn't be saying shit he gave us all a hundred dollars. Now this may not piss off everyone but this guy always loves to talk about money and about how we should/could be making more...etc. So he says that I being that I know he is that type of money centric guy I tell him no I would still be right here telling you to get out. He looked at me like I was stupid.
Yes motherfucker there are people that care about more than money. They exist and you can't just throw money at people and get what you want. Now shut the fuck up and get out! /rant. This douche just found one of my pet peeves for me, thanks asshole.
To Be Continued...
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I Wonder
The days keep pushing since the breakup and I find that I really don't think about Kristi specifically much. It would seem that I think more about the fact that there is more an absence of received attention and/or a entity to give attention to. I feel a sense of emptiness but I'm not sure if it is her I miss or just the idea that someone cared about me.
Either way I do feel pretty fucking worthless. I understand that the people around me care but I also don't feel any form of a romantic connection to anyone and that is what I miss. The two times I have brought down my defenses and allowed myself to care and not care about being hurt, I've been burned. I've told two women I loved them and both have told me they didn't feel the same. That would do a number to anyone. I find that I am trying to get some form of romantic or sexual gratification from the women around me but that is just misdirected feelings of inadequacy. I just wish I could convince myself of that.
At this point in my life I don't even think there is a reason to try again. At least, not until things have settled down in my life. The next year or two is going to bring a lot of changes and I can't promise anyone anything. How can I bring anyone in to my life under those conditions? How?
Either way I do feel pretty fucking worthless. I understand that the people around me care but I also don't feel any form of a romantic connection to anyone and that is what I miss. The two times I have brought down my defenses and allowed myself to care and not care about being hurt, I've been burned. I've told two women I loved them and both have told me they didn't feel the same. That would do a number to anyone. I find that I am trying to get some form of romantic or sexual gratification from the women around me but that is just misdirected feelings of inadequacy. I just wish I could convince myself of that.
At this point in my life I don't even think there is a reason to try again. At least, not until things have settled down in my life. The next year or two is going to bring a lot of changes and I can't promise anyone anything. How can I bring anyone in to my life under those conditions? How?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Summer
Life during the summer months as a college student is literally enough to make me go nuts. There aren't enough hours to go around at work and the second job doesn't really help much with that either, so I find myself lazily getting up whenever I want to do my one requirement of the day. I can't handle this shit too much longer, I need some kind of distraction; something to take up my time. I have a few hobbies but as of recent they have kind lost their appeal. Hopefully with time that will change. I guess is just a waiting game.
A New Direction
In the past, this blog was merely a forgotten project that I messed around with for a while then got bored of. I aim now to turn it in to a realm of my inner thoughts and feeling that I want to get off my chest. Its not really for anyone in particular to take in, more of just a location to dump my thoughts.
P.S. Given recent events, it will likely be a bit whiny and marginally bitchy. If that bothers you, well...piss off.
P.S. Given recent events, it will likely be a bit whiny and marginally bitchy. If that bothers you, well...piss off.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Heraclitus
"Of every one hundred men, ten shouldn’t even be there; Eighty are nothing but targets; Nine are real fighters….We are lucky to have them….They make the battle. Ah; but one; one of them is a Warrior….And he will bring the others back.” Heraclitus (Circa 500 B.C.)
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